Comical Opinion

13 Little Things That Can Make A Woman Fall Hard For You…

July 29, 2015
Suffragettes

This article is a response to a highly controversial piece published by Glamour US, a women’s magazine. The piece, which has since been deleted, was aimed at women and entitled “13 Little Things That Can Make A Man Fall Hard For You”, and it was as bad as it sounds – outdated and patronising to both sexes.

I’ve done a little Mazifur vs Glamour article here entitled 13 Little Things That Can Make A Woman Fall Hard For You… aimed at men.

1. Glamour says: Stock the fridge with his favourite drinks. Bonus Points: bring him back to his fraternity days by handing him a cold one as he steps out of the shower.

Mazifur says: Make sure the fridge is always stocked with plenty of Pinot Grigio. Bonus points: hand her a glass of the old vino when she’s finished the ironing.

2. Glamour Says: Make him a snack after sex. It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal – a simple grilled cheese or milk and cookies will do.

Mazifur Says: Make her a snack after she’s cleaned the house from top to bottom…just a small, low-calorie snack though, such as half an apple. You don’t want a chubby bird.

A suitable snack for a grown woman.

A suitable snack for a grown woman.

3. Glamour Says: Email him the latest online gossip about his favourite TV Show. You don’t have to be BFFs with HBO. Just share applicable links from your Twitter feed and pat yourself on the back.

Mazifur Says: Email her the latest news about Loose Women or some equally brain-dead TV Show aimed at girls. You don’t have to be BFFs with ITV or anything, but females aren’t tech enough to know about Twitter or the Internet.

 

4. Glamour Says: Brag about him to your friends, family, strangers on street corners – whomever. Proclamations of pride will make his chest puff out and his heart swell.

Mazifur Says: Brag about her to your buddies at the gym, the guys in the pub, your 5-a-side team. I’m sure she’d love for all your mates to know how good she is in the sack.

5. Glamour Says: Answer the door in a negligee – or, better yet, naked.

Mazifur Says: Answer the door in a pair of oily, filthy jeans (see the Diet Coke Adverts for inspiration.) Better yet, throw them on the bedroom floor…and then just leave them there. She’s bound to get a thrill out of picking up after you all the time.

The Diet Coke Adverts

The Diet Coke Advert

6. Glamour Says: Be open to what he wants to try in the bedroom and out. An open mind is attractive no matter what your playground.

Mazifur Says: Be open to what she wants to cook for dinner – as long as it involves steak or some such protein. High cholesterol is attractive no matter how old you are.

7. Glamour Says: Let him solve your petty work problem. Many men don’t do gossip, but they do like to fix things.

Mazifur Says: Let her tell you about her petty work problem. The wage gap? Meh. Being fired after telling your boss you’re pregnant? So what?! Just petty issues.

8. Glamour says: Swot up on your sports stats for his favourite team. Showing an interest in his favourite players will earn you points on and off the field.

Mazifur Says: Swot up on your Taylor Swift facts. Showing an interest in her favourite singers will earn you points on and off the stage… 😉

Who needs mac and cheese when you can have...lettuce...

Who needs mac and cheese when you can have…lettuce…

9. Glamour Says: Make a big deal out of his favourite meal. Does he like hot dogs cut up into his boxed mac-and-cheese? Serve it on a silver platter to really see him smile.

Mazifur Says: Make a big deal out of her favourite meal. Afterall, all girls eat is caesar salad and easy on the dressing. Women should be keeping an eye on their slim physiques anyway.

10. Glamour Says: Treat his friends as well as you treat your own. If you win their affections, you’ll win his heart.

Mazifur Says: Treat her friends like the sluts they are. And don’t forget, it’s OK to sleep with them – they are just sex objects.

11. Glamour Says: Sit side-by-side while he vegs out to the TV. It may not feel like quality time to you, but it’s the best time to him.

Mazifur Says: Sit and watch her do the washing up. It may not feel like much, and don’t talk to her, but it’s the best time to her.

12. Glamour Says: Give him a massage – happy ending completely optional. In fact, a foot rub works just fine.

Mazifur Says: Give her a massage oil kit for her birthday. She’ll enjoy the privilege of giving you foot rub after a hard day of sitting in the office.

13. Glamour Says: Take him back to third grade with a gentle tease over anything, from how you’ll dominate him on the basketball court to the weird way he just styled his hair.

Mazifur Says: Take her back to her high-school days and tease her about her acne and bad haircut. You know she’s in love with you once she starts crying. Bless her.

 


 

From the article published by Glamour US

From the article published by Glamour US

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